


Mirrors

by relucant



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blow Jobs, Fallen Castiel, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Mirror Sex, Mirrors, Motels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:20:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1688177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/relucant/pseuds/relucant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Dean," Cas said, looking around curiously, "why is there a mirror on the ceiling?"</p><p>Dean choked and glanced up, and sure enough there was giant mirror over the motel bed, full-on porn-star style. He took a long drink from his beer, stalling.</p><p>He couldn't bring himself to lie to Castiel, much as he wanted to make up some bullshit and go the fuck to sleep. Cas had confessed to him earlier that the only aspect of falling from grace that he liked was the chance to actually understand humanity from a human perspective. Dean knew Cas was putting more trust in his hands than he deserved already, and lying to him about his questions felt like a direct and ugly violation of that trust.</p><p>On the other hand, he was already equal parts exhausted and riled after spending ten hours in the car with Cas, trying to deal with the way the juxtaposition of his astonishing innocence and sex-god voice seemed to speak directly to his dick, and he wasn't sure this was a conversation he could handle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mirrors

"Dean," Cas said, looking around curiously, "why is there a mirror on the ceiling?"

Dean choked and glanced up, and sure enough there was giant mirror over the motel bed, full-on porn-star style. He took a long drink from his beer, stalling.

He couldn't bring himself to lie to Castiel, much as he wanted to make up some bullshit and go the fuck to sleep. Cas had confessed to him earlier that the only aspect of falling from grace that he liked was the chance to actually understand humanity from a human perspective. Dean knew Cas was putting more trust in his hands than he deserved already, and lying to him about his questions felt like a direct and ugly violation of that trust.

On the other hand, he was already equal parts exhausted and riled after spending ten hours in the car with Cas, trying to deal with the way the juxtaposition of his astonishing innocence and sex-god voice seemed to speak directly to his dick, and he wasn't sure this was a conversation he could handle.

"There are mirrors in lots of places," he hedged. "People like mirrors."

Cas watched him for a long moment.

"Is it a sex thing?" Dean blinked and turned to look at Cas in surprise, and Cas shrugged. "There's an expression you get, when it's about sex."

"So you know my sex face already," he said, trying for levity. "Feel like we skipped a few steps there."

"Why does it make you uncomfortable?" Cas asked. "I understand that you don't wish to engage in sex with me, but it's been, quite literally, the core of humanity since the dawn of history. Far beyond that."

"No, Cas, it's not -- Look, we're just masochists, dude. That means that --"

"I know what the words mean, Dean," Cas said with a sigh. "I just don't always understand the -- the significance."

"Right," Dean said. "Basically, the only thing that matches our instinct for self-preservation is our self-loathing." He gave Castiel a weak smile. "I mean, have you _met_ me?"

Cas considered this, then nodded. "I still don't understand the mirror, though."

Dean scrubbed his hand over his face. "There's not really any one explanation," he said. "People like different things for different reasons. Some people are just exhibitionists, like to show off their body to their partners, or to strangers. Sometimes just to themselves."

"I see," Cas said thoughtfully. He paused. "What about you?"

Dean groaned inwardly. He'd kind of expected the question, since he seemed to be the filter through which Cas processed human nature -- and how fucked up was _that_ , Dean thought with a sigh. And he understood, really. Cas didn't need clinical explanations of human sexuality; he still had all his angel memories trapped inside his lost human skull for ready access. What he lacked was perspective through the lens of humanity. And Dean knew he would never, ever forgive himself if Cas got hurt someday because he was too uncomfortable to talk about it.

Which was not to say he was remotely prepared to teach an ongoing one-on-one sex ed class with a definitely virginal, possibly asexual ex-angel that he desperately ached to know in a much more carnal way.

"I'm not much of an exhibitionist," he began, taking a long swallow of beer before setting the bottle down and flopping on the bed. "I'm not shy," -- Cas snorted, and Dean smiled slightly, "but it doesn't really do much for me. But there's something appealing about seeing yourself from a different angle, or your partner. We spend so much of our lives lying down, sleeping or fucking or whatever, and almost never see what it looks like." He waved his arms, and out of the corner of his eye he could see Cas tracking the moment in the mirror, head tilted to the side.

"Like right now," Dean continued. "You know how I give you shit for that head tilting thing you do? Have you ever really seen it?" Cas considered this, then shook his head. Dean hesitated, then patted the bed next to him. "C'mere," he said, and if his voice was a little bit hoarse, well, it had been a long fucking day.

Cas stared at him for a moment, then made his way to the bed. The mattress dipped and shifted, and Dean watched in the mirror as Cas stretched out until he was lying down next to Dean. Their eyes met in the mirror, and Dean felt his breath hitch.

It was strangely intimate, considering how close of an orbit around each other they kept in general. Dean had been making a genuine effort to be less closed off around Castiel, knowing how lost he was in his newfound humanity, and that was uncomfortable enough for him at times, but it was nothing like this feeling of nakedness despite being fully clothed. Cas' eyes wandered between the two of them, up and down, and though his expression was unreadable, the intensity of his gaze was no less in the reflection.

"So," Dean said, clearing his throat, and Castiel's eyes snapped back up to meet his in the mirror. "Uh... penny for your thoughts?"

Cas blinked. "Why would I need a penny?"

"Never mind," Dean said with a small laugh. "Just -- does it make any more sense now?"

Cas hummed thoughtfully. "Sort of," he finally said. "I never realized there were so many ways of looking at someone, at yourself." He rolled over so he was half-facing Dean, looking between their reflection in the mirror and Dean's eyes, not six inches from his.

"Jesus, Cas, personal space," Dean said automatically. Cas flinched and turned away, and Dean's stomach twisted, because God, he was an asshole.

Before he could think too much about it he turned on his side towards Castiel, reaching out his arm to put his hand on Cas' shoulder, gently pulling him back over.

"Hey," he said, "I'm sorry, Cas. It's just a dumb reflex. I kinda suck at being human, too." Cas still wouldn't look at him, so he reached out a hesitant finger to tilt his chin up, and he felt his heart break a little at the strange sight of tears glistening in those unearthly eyes.

"I'm sorry, Dean," he echoed, hopelessness cracking in his voice. "I just... I don't know what to do."

When Dean finally kissed him it wasn't out of lust, or pity, or frustration, or any of the myriad scenarios Dean had thought about, dreamed about. He was just consumed with a need to do something about the look on Castiel's face, and without thinking he bent his head and pressed his mouth softly against Cas'.

Cas' eyes went wide and he stiffened, but then he leaned into the kiss for a few moments, allowing himself this small pleasure before pulling away.

"You don't have to feel sorry for me, Dean," he said sadly. "I don't want your pity."

"I don't pity you, Cas," he said, reaching up to brush his thumb over Cas' bottom lip. "I'm sorry for what happened to you, what's happening. For what's happened to me, too, and Sammy, and fucking everything. But you aren't pitiful. I don't pity you."

Cas blinked, finally meeting Dean's eyes. "Then why did you kiss me?" he whispered.

"Because I'm selfish," he said, and now Dean was the one to break their gaze. "Because I wanted to, and I'm a selfish bastard. I know you don't -- that you don't want to, and I'm fucking sorry, Cas, I just --"

Cas interrupted him, bewildered. "Why do you think I don't want to?"

Dean jerked his head up at that. "I -- what? Cas, you could have anyone, you don't want _me_ \--"

Cas was staring at him in utter confusion. "Why wouldn't I want you?" he asked, his brow furrowed. "I've always wanted you, only you. I assumed you knew that."

Dean stared back, speechless, then broke into a low laugh. "God, we're a pair," he mumbled. "So... is it okay if I kiss you again? Only because I want to?"

"Y-yes," Cas managed, an almost awestruck expression in his eyes.

Dean kissed him again, a little more firmly and a little less chaste, and this time Cas responded, bringing a hand up to rest tentatively in Dean's hair and moving his lips slightly.

Eventually Dean broke away, breathing a little shallow, and searched Castiel's face for any sign of reluctance, but Cas just made an unhappy noise and tried to tug him back in. Dean acquiesced readily, sucking on Cas' lower lip, then took advantage of the resultant gasp to slip the tip of his tongue in his mouth.

Dean was not entirely prepared for Cas' reaction, but as Cas dropped onto his back and wound his other arm around Dean's waist, he was definitely not complaining.

"Oof," Dean said, landing with his elbows bracketing Cas' neck, and then Cas yanked him back down, shyness melting away. He traced Dean's lips with his tongue and Dean let out an involuntary moan, surprising them both, and Dean's careful resistance crumbled.

He dropped off his elbows so he was pressed all along Cas' body and kissed him hard and deep, and was gratified to feel him hiss and shudder. Then Cas began experimentally licking his tongue against Dean's, and Dean had to pull away.

"Cas," he gasped, vision dancing. "Cas, wait --" Castiel whined, trying to pull his mouth back down, and fuck if Dean could resist.

" _Cas_ ," he said again, pulling back once more. "Hold up. Time out. Tiiiime out." Cas fell back against the pillows, his eyes dark with desire and mouth open, panting slightly, and Dean almost lost it there. "OK," he managed. "Cas, do you want to do more than -- than what we're doing? More than kissing? I don't want to push you, or -- or rush you, we don't have to --"

“Dean,” Cas growled -- fucking _growled_. “Dean. I rebuilt you from the inside out. I’m human now, but I know all of it, and I want all of it. All of you.”

Dean stared at Castiel. There was no uncertainty in his eyes, but Dean couldn't help asking one last time. "You sure about this, Cas?"

Cas only blinked at him, and then suddenly Dean found himself flat on his back with six feet of ex-angel kissing him intently, and yeah, he thought, as the last of his reservations tumbled out the window, he was pretty on board with this.

"Fuck's sake, Cas," he groaned, as Cas began clawing at his shirt. "You don't fuck around, do you?" He shifted his torso to free his shirt, then yanked Cas' off as well.

"Wanted you," Cas mumbled against Dean's lips, and Dean bent his knee to grind into Cas. "Wanted you since -- since I found you, and -- and raised you from Perdition."

"Please," Dean said, teeth clenched.

Castiel shifted until he was stretched along Dean's body, searching his face. "You really -- you really want this? You want… me?"

"Cas," Dean choked out, "I _want_ us to be naked right the fuck now, okay?"

Cas let out a small sob, and reached down to work at Dean's pants. Dean just shoved and pulled at Cas' jeans until they were both naked.

Dean broke away, leaning back on his side. "You're so fuckin' gorgeous," he said. "Wanted to see you like this for so long."

Cas paused. "Can I -- can we -- look at ourselves?"

Dean smiled at him. "Can I do this for you, angel? You can watch," he said, lips brushing down his throat and across ribs.

"Not -- not an angel," he gasped, staring at Dean moving down his body.

"Are," Dean said, biting at a hipbone. "My angel. Always." He leaned in and licked at Cas' cock experimentally, then took him deep in his mouth. Cas choked and shuddered, and distantly he caught sight of his own face.

"Cas," Dean said again. He sucked him in one last time, then pulled off and crawled up the bed until they were lying on their sides, facing each other. He kissed Cas, long and deep, and then tilted his chin up to the mirror.

"Look," he said, wrapping his hand around their cocks.

"So beautiful," Cas whispered. "Dean, I want to --" He twined his hand around Dean's, and they arched and writhed.

"Fuck, Cas, going to, gonna --"

" _Dean_ \--"

\-- and they dissolved, their hands reaching for each other.

Dean took a deep, shaky breath. Cas rolled against him, hooking his ankle behind Dean's leg, and they both stared up at the mirror.

"So beautiful," Dean echoed, watching Cas' kiss-bitten lips.

"Thank you, Dean," Cas murmured, his eyes tracing the lines of their bodies. "I think I understand."

**Author's Note:**

> I made a new tumblr so I can actually reply and follow. Find me at my still super-bare tumblr, [relucant](http://relucant.tumblr.com/).
> 
> I'm nice.


End file.
